Engine seized. Won't start. Would be a total rebuild. 3-4 grand. F minus.

Goodbye, Batvan. You served me well.

Uh... That was weird. Mechanic just jacked up my van while I was sitting in it still.

At work til 2am, van broke down on the drive home, woke up at 7am to deal with van at garage... I need some H2O to get me going.

OH: I think I've got a problem with sandwich cookies. I ate half the box.

Of course my van would break down:
1 on a day I wore shirts,
2 after I've unpacked all my stuff from it,
3 two days before pay day