1. Lightheaded All Day Long ...And Becoming a Cyborg

    Today is day three in a row of feeling lightheaded the whole day. It’s like I stood up too fast. But, you know, I didn’t and it’s all the time all of the time. Even when laying down.

    I don’t know my glucose level right now now, but when I got my PET scan last week, it was real good. At the suggestion of a friend, I got a personal blood pressure checker and started checking my levels when I’m feeling especially woozy.

    Otherwise, symptoms have been real good.

    Updates on Twitter as I check my blood pressure are here.

    Tomorrow, I go into the hospital to get my port installed near my collarbone at the unseemly hour of 06:00am. The port is to make it easier to insert the chemo infusion IV needle thingy each time and to not totally destroy my arm veins (which is an effect that one of the chemo drugs has on veins).

    Later in the day, after my port installation has made me a cyborg, I’ll get an echocardiogram to test the strength of the squeeze of my heart. The day after is a pulmonary function test (PFT) to test the strength of my lungs.

    Friday is chemo.

    While I’m in the hospital for the tests, I’ll check in with my oncology peoples about why I’m so fucking woozy and lightheaded.

    In more pleasanter news, my appetite is back and my palate is back to my normal (I’m not a super taster anymore). The trade off is I can stop being hungry no matter how much I eat. Maybe my cancer has a tape worm.

  2. Perfect Songs

    Katie Nolan asked on Twitter about perfect songs.

    I saw her question via Tony Price’s answer. Which was a perfect answer. It really is a perfect song.

    I started thinking about what I thought was a perfect song, which turned into perfect songs, which turned into a whole collection of perfect songs. This isn’t really playlist in any curated or ordered sense, just a collection of perfect songs. (This was made off the top of my head over the course of about 30 minutes. I’m sure I’ve missed obvious songs.)

    Hip Hop / R&B

    “Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia)” by Us3

    “Formation” by Beyoncé

    “Fu-Gee-La” by The Fugees


    “Apistat Commander” by Xiu Xiu

    “C’Mon C’Mon” by The Von Bondies

    “Girlfriend” by Matthew Sweet

    “Holiday” by The Get Up Kids

    “Keep The Car Running” by The Arcade Fire

    “Say It Ain’t So” by Weezer

    “Song 2” by Blur

    “Tallulah” by Allo Darlin

    “Wandering Star” by Poliça

    Pop / Rock

    “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman

    “Nothing Compares 2 You” by Sinead O’Connor

    “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson

    “Smash It Up” by “The (International) Noise Conspiracy”

    “Unbelievable” by EMF

    “You Get What You Give” by New Radicals

    (Post) Hardcore

    “Arcarsenal” by At The Drive-In

    “Caboose” by Snapcase

    “Dead Flag Blues” by Godspeed You! Black Emperor

    New Noise by “Refused”

    “Of Roots and Wings” by Between Earth And Sky

    Punk Rock

    “Canada” by The Thermals

    “Done Reckoning” by Avail

    “Rebel Girl” by Bikini Girl

  3. Good Weather and Surprise Friends

    Today is a good symptoms day. Very mild cough. Only one night sweat last night. No fevers in a while. Pretty high energy and good appetite. My friend Tonx was bopping through town en route to Seattle and we got an impromptu brunch. Then we sat outside in the sun in just a t-shirt. It was incredible. I'm super stoke for the weather to start being awesome again. Especially for recovery days.
  4. On Thoughts About Dying Walnuts, Northern Lights and Capitalism

    Before I had a clear diagnosis and treatment plan and was wondering if I’d die from this cancer. I didn't freak out too much before we had some real information, but minds grapes wander and thoughts get wild.

    I, of course, thought about friends and family and relationships. I thought about what is important to me and where I should be spending my energy. Classic case of "if you only had one year to live..." kind of thoughts.

    I thought about not being able to plant walnut trees and watching them grow for decades and eating from them. I thought about not getting to see the Northern Lights and the Blue Lagoon and bucket list things like that.

    But the one big thing that I kept coming back to was that I was worried that I wouldn’t get to see the collapse of industrial civilization. Fortunately industrial civilization has invented chemo therapy and is gonna get me through this. And maybe just maybe, I'll get to see the swan song of imperialist capitalism.


  5. “I have cancer.” Crowdfunding at Tilt.com

    I’ve launched a crowdfunding effort at tilt.com asking for help in trying to offset some of the up front costs of doing battle against cancer. If you can help in anyway large or small, I would appreciate it. If you can’t, I totally understand. I’ve been there too.

    The URL is: https://www.tilt.com/tilts/i-have-cancer.