Before I had a clear diagnosis and treatment plan and was wondering if I’d die from this cancer. I didn't freak out too much before we had some real information, but minds grapes wander and thoughts get wild.
I, of course, thought about friends and family and relationships. I thought about what is important to me and where I should be spending my energy. Classic case of "if you only had one year to live..." kind of thoughts.
I thought about not being able to plant walnut trees and watching them grow for decades and eating from them. I thought about not getting to see the Northern Lights and the Blue Lagoon and bucket list things like that.
But the one big thing that I kept coming back to was that I was worried that I wouldn’t get to see the collapse of industrial civilization. Fortunately industrial civilization has invented chemo therapy and is gonna get me through this. And maybe just maybe, I'll get to see the swan song of imperialist capitalism.